Owen is a year!!!!!!!!!!

Dear my sweet Owen,
Happy Birthday my little angel!! You turned 1 on Thursday, and it was day of mixed emotions for me. I find myself at a loss for what to say to you, and how to sum up what you have meant to me this past year. I remember sitting here writing your 6 month love letter, and I can't believe you've added another 6 months so quickly. I can remember the day you came home from the hospital so clearly, as if it just happened yesterday. It was a beautiful and sunny summer day. The whole week prior had been so hot and humid, but the day we brought you home was picture perfect. Even at over 8 lbs, you seemed so small and fragile. It is amazing to see the little boy you have grown into. You have been a ray of sunshine in our lives, and I am so grateful to have been blessed by you and your presence. I have loved being your mom, and experiencing all of your firsts. If I could do it over again, I would slow down and enjoy everything, and not be so eager for you to reach your next milestone. I couldn't wait for you to roll over, to sit up, to eat, to talk, and to walk, and it has all whizzed by so quickly. On your birthday, I cried throughout the day. I put away all of the clothes that no longer fit you, and I started to sob. My sadness is selfish--I am sad that you are no longer my little baby and that you don't rely on me as much as you did when you were an infant. There is no going back, no doing it over, no way to recapture all of the little precious moments over the last year. But I am also overjoyed at how far you have come. Every month, you learn something new and everything becomes more and more fun. Now that you are walking, you are becoming such an independent little guy. You never sit still and your daddy, sister, and I spend a majority of our time chasing you. You love to eat, even though you are still on the skinny side. We brought cupcakes into school to share with your little friends, and you devoured yours! The other kids ate neatly and had a few crumbs here and there, but not you. It was all over your face! Your favorite food is pasta, and you eat it like it's going out of style. You love to drink water, especially out of daddy's big cup. Every time he picks you up, you say "yeah" in hopes of getting some water. You have been drinking milk for a few days now, but you don't seem to like it so I hope it is something you just have to get used to. You think it's hysterical when we take your socks off! You give your sister hugs all the time, and it's the cutest thing. Your favorite toy these days is her Dora the Explorer toy cell phone. Hopefully, you will get some "boy" toys for your birthday, because you have been playing with her purse, her vacuum, her shopping cart, and her Barbie (although there is nothing wrong with playing with girl toys!) The relationship between you and daddy has changed and gotten stronger. You light up when you see him and you always reach up for hugs. Your relationship with Isabella is becoming stronger too, and you are recognizing that she is your "sissy" and the two of you have so much fun. I look forward to watching your bond grow stronger with each day. Our relationship is so amazing, and more than I could have ever anticipated. I love you more than I could ever express in words. I promise to continue loving you with all my heart, protecting you, nurturing you, and doing everything I can to make you happy. You have brought so much love to our family, and your daddy, sissy, and I are completely enamored with you. Thank you for an amazing year, and we all look forward to watching you grow month after month and year after year. Happy 1st birthday my sweet boy.

Me, my pump, and I

The time has come for me to turn in my pump, and it saddens me. Ever since I returned to work when Owen was 3 months old, pumping has become a vital part of my daily routine. In total, I have spent hours and hours alone with me, my pump, and I. Every day at 10 and 3, I'd grab my pump and equipment and head down to our lactation room on the 2nd floor. I feel very fortunate to have had this room in our building, as I know other people are not so lucky. I'd spend 20 minutes, two times a day in the quiet solitude of the lactation room. This was my time, when I could think or read magazines, or just "be." Between a busy job and 2 kids at home, quiet time set aside just for me is hard to come by. Giving this special time up will be difficult, and it will be weird getting used to my new pump-free routine. I decided fairly early on that I would try to pump and nurse Owen for a year. To be honest, I am very proud for making it this far. It is truly a commitment of both time and energy, and I'm so glad I have been able to do it for a full year. Now that I have reached the 1 year milestone, I have decided to continue nursing Owen in the mornings and evenings and sometimes at lunch. But the pump has to go. I have been renting a hospital grade pump since I returned to work at the cost of $60/month. I have also foregone the free parking lot at work and opted to pay $76/month to park directly cross the street from my office. I chose to do this in order to save the 10 minutes it takes to walk to and from the free parking lot, so that when I nursed Owen at lunch, I could just run across the street, hop in my car, and go right to his daycare. But I am giving up the expensive parking lot as well. I thought I would be able to stop my lunchtime visits when Owen turned 1, but the idea of not seeing his smiling face in the middle of the day is a lot harder on me emotionally than I anticipated, so I think I will still make it a priority to go and see him, at least 3 or 4 days a week. It will be nice to see my husband for lunch on the other day or two, since we used to meet every day at lunchtime and temporarily gave up our dates so that I could nurse Owen during that time. It's funny to think that in the early days, when Owen was just an infant, I wasn't quite sure how I would be able to nurse for any long period of time. Those days are just so tough, especially when your child wants to nurse all the time and won't take a bottle. It's definitely a challenge. But as time goes on, and it gets easier and easier, you start to wonder how you will stop nursing! I remember hearing Salma Hayek say something about nursing being like an addiction. And while I won't go that far, I can at least understand where she is coming from now. Breastfeeding has strengthened the bond between Owen and I, and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. I couldn't help but take a final picture of my pump so that I would never forget this piece of equipment that was such a big part of my life. Cost of paying to rent a pump and to park close to work for 9 months--$1,224. Being able to breastfeed my son for a year--PRICELESS!!