The dreaded day

I return to work this week on Wednesday, and I am not looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong--I love my job and my co-workers dearly, but I am just not ready to give up my days with Owen. The 3 months have flown by, and the thought of not being with him just breaks my heart. I was home for 9 months with Isabella, and it was hard enough going back to work at that point. But 3 months?? That's just too early. I wish our maternity leave policies were on par with countries like Switzerland where they get something like 1 year paid leave. Maternity leave in this country is one of the worst in the world. Reality is setting in that I only have a few days left, and as much as I am trying to cherish the remaining time, I am experiencing a deep sadness too. My team at work is very supportive and I know that eventually, I will be glad to be back since it's just not an option to stay home. Owen will be receiving excellent care, and I'm sure he will thrive in the new atmosphere with new children, new experiences, etc. As any mom who has been through it before will tell you, it's just so hard. And the fact that Owen still won't take a bottle makes things even harder. The plan as of now is that I will need to nurse him twice during the workday, at least until he starts eating baby cereal at 4-6 months to help fill his belly. I'm carefully planning it out so that I can do 2 feedings, including travel time, in an hour or so.... basically I will forego my lunch hour in order to nurse him, so I won't really have to disrupt my workday or productivity. I will have to do my best to work around meetings, etc. It's not ideal, but sometimes life throws you a few curve balls and you just have to figure something out. My hope is that eventually he will learn to take a bottle while at school, so fingers crossed please! Luckily he has patient and kind teachers who are willing to work with him. He had a trial day at daycare last week, and he did fairly well (better than mommy). I nursed him at lunch and picked him up early, and he was generally happy. My friend Mag also had a trial day with her son Seb, who is 3 weeks older than Owen, and we both helped each other through the day. Owen is sleeping on my lap as I write this, and when I look at his precious little face, I just wonder how I am supposed to turn him over to someone else to care for him every day. I feel guilty for having to leave him when I still feel that he needs me so much. The good thing is that I got permission to work from home one day a week to give me a little more time with him. Thank you Alison and Amanda--you guys rock! I just keep telling myself that it will get easier with time, and that I've been through this before and I can do it again. I am thankful that I had a wonderful 3 months with him, and from here on out, we will just have to make the best of the mornings, evenings, and weekends.